


Break My Heart Again

by Tortellini



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Canon, Sad, Sad Ending, Wordcount: 100-500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24982006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortellini/pseuds/Tortellini
Summary: Thomas Barrow never knew why he was such an abomination. For his whole life.Oneshot/drabble
Kudos: 12





	Break My Heart Again

When Thomas Barrow was a kid, he didn’t immediately know that the things he did were wrong…that the other boys in his grungy little town didn’t think the type of thoughts that he thought about when he was alone. Now he was just a kid, remember, and he wasn’t corrupted yet…yet. Or not really, at least; he didn’t know how cold or cruel the world could get.

When he asked his mother about kissing a boy, she cried silently and hugged him. 

When he told his father about how it made him feel, how he liked it (like other men felt when women kissed them), he slapped him across the face with all his might.

Around this time, maybe later, Thomas realized that the world would never accept him; that he was a monster, a pervert, a freak (others’ words, not his). He could never get married to those he loved—because men simply couldn’t marry each other, no matter what.

His parents shoved their family secrets under the bed: his mother with a papery sadness, his father with a newfound whiskey-fury (the feeling of hate was mutual by then).

* * *

Now it’s many years later, and Thomas Barrow is an adult, with a steady job in service at Downton Abbey. He’s much of the same as he was as a child, with a few noticeable differences (of course, no one he works with knew him back then, thank god): he’s a tall handsome young man, with ebony black hair and prominent cheekbones, full red lips shocking against pale skin, and sharp grey eyes. He's smart and still a troublemaker, with a very-much-there mean-streak, and he’s often simply out for himself. Yet…he has a certain coldness about him—understandably—from the way those who know his secret treat him. 

After the whole disaster with the Duke, he swears to himself he will never love again (of course, that doesn’t work in the least…but he doesn’t want to love, for the record). He tries to protect himself…it nearly works…but life—the war, death, life, a certain blonde piano-player—gets in the way.

The war…

Lady Sybil Branson, a lovely spirited young woman (god bless her soul)…

Little Miss Sybil, her half-orphaned baby daughter…

And Jimmy Kent, who…somehow, being straight, managed to break his heart. 


End file.
